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Friday, March 25, 2005

New Gig

Well, an old gig in new clothing, perhaps... Back to curmudgeon mode. I'm thinking of beginning a new consulting firm. People can call me up and ask if their boss/co-worker/spouse/neighbor is a jerk. I'll be happy to listen to the circumstances, pronounce my diagnosis (naturally, they're all jerks—at least there's a vanishingly small chance they are not) and charge my fee. ($75/15 minute call? Sounds about right.) Sounds like a winner: "Wah-Wahs for Whiners" I think I'll call it. Whadda ya think? Addendum: I just placed a call to myself to test this out. Griped a while about some jerk in a WallyWorld parking lot who decided to drive the wrong way up an aisle in the parking lot. What? The "U.S. Mail" sign on his pickup gave him the right to do so? Not in my book. I laid on my horn until he backed on out. Jerk. Next step? A call/letter/fax to the postmaster in that town complaining about the unsafe driving and rude behavior of this jerk. Then, a lil phone call to my congrsscritter asking what can be done to get this jerk hung by the short and curlies. Hey! And if he can't tell which way to drive in a WallyWorld parking lot, maybe he's impersonating a typical oh-so-bright and "professional" USPS part-time rural mail carrier. After all, don't they have to take some kinda civil service exam (like that's harder than reading a comic book)? Maybe this guy's a terrorist or something. Yeh, the feebs ougghta investigate his sorry... a-hem... Yeh, that's the ticket.... So, after griping to myself on my $75/15-minute phone call (nice to have 2 lines so I can do that), I told myself that this part-time rural mail carrier was indeed a jerk. Money well spent. *heh*