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Saturday, August 27, 2005

Where's the oil?

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment from The Alliance of Free Blogs:

What happened to all the oil that President Bush stole from Iraq?

Well, due to the Bush administration’s complete incompetence, that oil has been put to many nefarious (and sometimes nearly unbelievable) purposes…

1.) Hillary used some to grease the skids under the sKerry candidacy.
2.) White House had 33,967,893,281 bottles of "Special Saudi Hand-holding Lotion"  manufactured for meetings between GWB and Prince Abdullah...
3.) Teh-RAY-zha Heinz is using it to fuel her (and hubby's) SUVs and the Heinz private jet.
4.) Upcoming: Chainsaws. Crawford. Midnight visit to Sindytown by outraged troops home from Iraq?
5.) The Bush twins.  (Well, they're always to blame, aren't they?)
6.) 6 billion barrels went toward maintaining Harry Reid's oily personality, Nancy Peolosi's nightcream supply and some was sold to maintain Teddy Kennedy's  water wings (it is a base canard that TK keeps his water wings filled with booze.  Only half are filled at any one time.  The other half are back at the warehouse being refilled.). Some was traded outright to Muslims in Sudan for slaves to provide a supply of blood for Hillary to suck.
7.) U.N. diplomats and Peacekeepers (the "kinder, gentler" diplomats and Peacekeepers) using some to grease rape victims and to provide fuel for their Land Rovers. Kofi's family now an order of magnitude richer.
8.) The Eeeevil Jooooos.
10.) Much of it is on the moon, now, in the hands of "friendly" aliens from the Crab Nebula. Got a pretty penny for it, too, thank you very much. I think it was a 1943 Steel Wheat uncirculated. (BTW, they got screwed on the deal: they also got Jean Fraud sKerry’s brain and a certificate ceding them 40% of his non-existent soul; a coupon for free treatment from Teddy Kennedy’s fav substance abuse center—with free swimming lessons included; a CD of “The Best of Howard Dean”; a picture of Barbara Streisand.  But the thing that made most of them walk outa the airlock without their helmets was a DVD featuring Cindy Sheehan. The screeching drove them mad. Both of the remaining “Crabs” are now blind and deaf.  Fortunately, they can still frell.)

Unfortunately, those are but a few of the places all that oil from Iraq has disappeared to, instead of going to make gasoline for my gas tank…