I stole this in its entirety from Jerry Pournelle’s Chaos Manor Mail. I hope he, and the author of the piece, Greg Brewer, will forgive the theft…
The Telemarketer
The phone rang as we were sitting down to dinner. I answered it and was greeted with, "Is this William Wagenhoss?"
This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that. I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood."
I turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had called a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear at the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.
I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At this point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.
As Dr. Pournelle says, “Pity we can't do that to spammers.” |
