Dan Interprets "Terror Update" from splodydope leaders

My only argument is his rendering of "john" for [شيت] فتحة بئر See Today’s Translated Terror Update/Statement From Al-Qaida In The Land Of The Two Rivers (Please make some small allowance for my complete reliance on machine translation of the original Arabic communiqué from (n)Al Cue-da. Such poetic names for things... )