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Thursday, July 14, 2005

How can you detect an islamofascist terrorist?

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment from The Alliance of Free Blogs: How can you tell if someone is a terrorist?

Now, admittedly, I've modified this a bit to exclude waning IRA terrorists and others by narrowing the assignment further to islamofascist murdering savage SOBs, but I think I may be forgiven for that. If not, what's the Alliance going to do? Send a splodydope to America's Third World County™? We'd welcome one or twelve. There are always stumps to clear from fields, you know, and some fish just won't bite and need to be persuaded to "come to papa"—heh. The idea that an islamofascist murdering savage SOB terrorist could slip by the Third World County™ detection system is laughable.

The Third World County™ Profiler's Politically Incorrect Guide to Detecting an Islamofascist Murdering Savage SOB Terrorist.

See a suspect? Maneuver to get the wind on 'em. (Scent's your first clue apart from the fact that the guy looks like an Ay-rab.)

Step 1.) Does the goober smell worse than... well, Goober? If so, he's either a Loony Left Moonbat or a islamofascist murdering savage SOB. Bag 'im either way.

Step 2.) When you perform a "cranial echo test" (whack 'im on the head with an axe handle) does a "thunk" or no sound at all procede from his pie hole? If a "thunk" then it's a Loony Left Moonbat and good for catfish feed or for bait for wild boar. If no sound at all issues, then there's nothing inside (sound doesn't travel in a vaccuum, you know) and you have a splodydope. Remove any useful explosives and see uses for Loony Left Moonbat, above. If the critter attempts to bite the axe handle, it's an osama and should be doused with gasoline and burned (after removing any useful explosives for later use fishing or blowing stumps).

Do bury any remains of an osama in pig manure and turn the compost frequently. Use this compost to kill kudzu.