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Friday, October 21, 2005

The Quotable Saddam

The Alliance of Free Blogs' Precision Guided Humor Assignment this week asks the question, "What will be the most memorable quotes to emerge from the trial of Saddam Hussein?" Out of the morass of denials by Saddam, certain flabbergastery will rise head and shoulders above the crowd to stand as truly monumental silly and incredible examples of bumfuzzlery:
"Seven (semi-)Perfect Lies"
Of the Kurds: "I looooove Kurds (especially with a little whey). I hate spiders, though." Kurds II: "I said 'They're a gas, man!' Not "Gas them to the last man' as has been falsely reported." "I did not order men, Desperate Housewives and children to be put through wood chippers. I said, "They're so chipper! There's not a shred of disrespect for me in those men, Desperate Housewives and children.' That an offhand comment on my people's love for me could be so tragically miscontrued without my knowledge or consent is not my fault." (He later presents his strange reference to a crappy American TV show as evidence of torture by his captors.) Plagiarizing Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook evil scum-sucking murdering bastard cross-dressing nancyman like my accusers." In a bizzarre reference to his miscalculation in the Kuwait invasion that led to the brief Gulf War: "The child is not mine. It was too late to pull out, anyway... " Referring to photographs taken in several of his palaces: "Those are not the skulls of people I had flayed alive, boiled, rendered for fat and pigfeed because they allowed their shadows to fall on me. Those were designer bowling balls for use in my solid gold bowling alleys." Finally, of his relations with CNN and other allies in the Mass Media Podpeople's Army, he takes a page from the defense mounted by William Jefferson "Perjury's my real middle name" Clintoon: "I did not have sex with that woman, Christiane Amanpour." This has been a Precision Guided Humor Assignment Linked at Cao's Blog, The Political Teen, bRight & Early...