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Friday, October 14, 2005

Understanding the Anti-/Pro-Miers Demographics

heh

This Opinion Journal "Letter to the Editor" is deliciously insightful. (h.t. Jerry Pournelle reader/contributor, Rod Schaffter)



How can you tell if a conservative is pro- or anti-Miers? Based on my conversations with conservative friends this week, here's a good rule of thumb. Ask the conservative to define the following words or phrases and see what he says.
"Blackberry"
Anti-Miers: A handheld device that allows you to get e-mail and access the Internet. The biggest problem is when the battery runs low. You solve the problem by carrying a charger.
Pro-Miers: A delicious berry that you find in the woods. The biggest problem is that bears love them too. You solve that problem by carrying a .44 Magnum.
"Friends"
Anti-Miers: A popular TV show that looked at cultural and sexual mores.
Pro-Miers: People you invite over to your house
"$20 Snifter of Cognac"
Anti-Miers: Not a bad price for a great brandy at a nice bar.
Pro-Miers: An outrageous price for a drink. Where we people live, you can get a two-pound T-bone steak dinner and a drink for $20.
"Meet the Press"
Anti-Miers: Must-see TV.
Pro-Miers: We are too busy going to church. Besides, who really cares what they say?
"December"
Anti-Miers: A period of increased cultural sensitivity when you have to wish people a "Happy Holiday" instead of "Merry Christmas" for fear of offending them.
Pro-Miers: Merry Christmas!
"A List"
Anti-Miers: The type of party you want to be invited to.
Pro-Miers: What you don't want to get from your wife on Saturday morning.
"Assault Weapons"
Anti-Miers: A class of weapons that anti-Miers conservatives use in their legal arguments concerning the meaning and extent of the Second Amendment. Although anti Miers conservatives favor the ownership of assault weapons, they probably have never touched or fired one.
Pro-Miers: A nice varmint gun, although it doesn't have enough range or accuracy to shoot wary prairie dogs. They aren't as good as Dad's old M1 Garand.
"Democracy"
Anti-Miers: A Broadway play.
Pro-Miers: One of the things that makes America great.
"Antonin Scalia"
Anti-Miers: A brilliant legal scholar with libertarian tendencies. A good Supreme Court justice.
Pro-Miers: Who? Oh, the guy who hunts with the vice president and belongs to a gun club in Virginia. A good Supreme Court justice.
"The Buzz"
Anti-Miers: What "everybody who is anybody" is talking about.
Pro-Miers: What hornets, bees, wasps and yellow jackets do.
"Hunting"
Anti-Miers: A method for thinning wildlife populations that allows a rural American tradition to continue.
Pro-Miers: A chance to get together with some friends on a weekend and have a good time. We never let the hunting get in the way of having fun, however.
"Cowboy"
Anti-Miers: A metaphor for the American tendency to act aggressively. What makes America a great power.
Pro-Miers: The guy we see at the diner, who works on a ranch or travels the rodeo circuit. A term that is rarely applied, and when it is, is a compliment.
"John Deere"
Anti-Miers: A riding lawn mower.
Pro-Miers: A tractor.
"Paris Hilton"
Anti-Miers: A cultural icon.
Pro-Miers: A hotel in France. Although I wouldn't know, because why would I want to go to Paris on vacation when I can go camping?
"Big Bore"
Anti-Miers: A person who corners you at an A List cocktail party.
Pro-Miers: A rifle that you need for hunting elephant or cape buffalo.

A lot of that sounds uncomfortably close... heh

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